Never complain. Never explain.

 Well, today marked another milestone in life.... in a manner of speaking.

My job was eliminated, effective immediately. No severance, no notice- though I "knew" there was a good possibility something would happen. For profit businesses are struggling... non-profits are drowning. The comical part (gotta find the humor in these types of situations) was when I mentioned my contract wasn't up until June. Seems that none of the ones notifying me of my elimination realized I wasn't really an employee... I was an independent contractor. They asked if I would sue, I said no. Its really not worth it, plus I know there's no money to fight over.

I simply gathered my things and turned in my keys. Then exited the building.  And the children & I ordered pizza for supper.

My friends & family keep asking if I am okay. If I am worried. What will I do next?

They seem surprised that I'm okay with it all. Sure, loss of income is always an issue. Plus, I'm still recuperating from my ankle mishap. I'm still responsible for the health & well- being of my children, and myself.

In a lot of ways a weight has been lifted... and a door has been opened.

I had decided a week ago to bite the bullet & join Usborne Books as a consultant. I love the books & it is a product I believe in... really, what's better than books? My dd wants to help me with it. So, essentially, we am starting our own business- on a wing & a prayer.

I love routine. I am comfortable with routine. Security. But the only real constant is change. So, my routine has become to go with the change. Things work out as they should. And while some think I don't worry as I should... I just try to be an example of faith. I'm where I am supposed to be at this moment.

There's a reason one door closed, just as another opened. Now, its up to me to keep moving and cross the threshold.

So, in the words of Katherine Hepburn, "Never complain. Never explain.", rather live the words of Anderson Cooper, "Follow your bliss."

Guns & the Single Mom

It would seem that the time has come for me to purchase a gun- or two.

It is an idea I have played with off & on for several years, but times seem to be getting tougher... or rougher... or maybe it is just people are reacting to uncertain times. It is hard to say.

We used to have a pistol before the children came along. Their dad decided it was safer to get rid of it about the time ds came along. Not that we worried about not being able to teach the children to respect guns, just because if you have them locked away, guns aren't much good in cases of emergency.

Fast forward from the late 1990's to now... boy, have times changed in the last 10+ years.

There are so many people out of work and scraping by. There are so many teens (and adults) thinking they are entitled to what other people work & pay for. There are so many strung out on drugs and really don't mean harm, but are just looking for their next fix.

And then there is me... a single mom living with 3 teenagers... two home grown & one borrowed. We don't live in the ritzy part of town, but we don't live in the worst sections either... we're somewhere in the middle. We don't have much, but over the years we have accumulated this and that.

A couple of weeks ago the two new bicycles the boys received as Christmas presents were stolen right off the front porch- just before dark. Thankfully, they were recovered the very next day by an astute detective, but the thought that went through my mind was, "yes, he/they stole the bikes... but at least that is all they took."

That particular evening the only ones home were myself (laid up in bed with a broken ankle) and the youngest child, 13 year old boy. What if the thief had wanted to kick in the front door & physically harm one or both of us? There's not much I could have done.

Then there is tonight's latest wrinkle. While sitting here propped up in bed, browsing blogs and seeing what friends are up to online, I heard a noise on the front porch. Within a few minutes, the oldest son (17) steps in the bedroom and asks if I heard a noise in the back yard around the utility trailer. He goes out to investigate and finds nothing. But, while coming back up the driveway from the shed, before stepping into the light from the front porch, he sees someone run out from the other side of the house and cross the road- dressed all in black. He waits and watches them stop across the road and look back towards the house, but their features are obscured by a hoodie jacket. Then the mystery person turns and continues running off into the woods.

The police were called again. Cursory search is made of the yard and nothing appears to be missing. The boys will have to completely straighten up the yard tomorrow, just to be on the safe side and so everything can be accounted for (not to mention it is something they should've already done- we won't go there).

I'm one of those people who respects guns, but doesn't own their own. I am comfortable around guns, even though I rarely handle them. I have no problem having them in my home... and I am determined to rectify our safety issues in the immediate future.

And so I will begin my search for the right gun for me and our household. I am leaning towards a good, old-fashioned double barreled shot gun... the sound of the pump should stop most folks in their tracks. I am also thinking about getting a pistol. Something small and easy to handle... but can get the job done.

Luckily, I have a nephew who recently left the Marine Corps. He has been suggesting to us all that we need at least one gun in the house. I will get in touch with him because I know he knows guns and can help me get the best gun for my needs and for my wallet. Not that you can really put a price on safety or protecting your family.

Then will come teaching all of us how to properly care for & use whatever guns I get. I'm a fair shot with a shotgun- shooting skeet, but practice will be necessary. My daughter has never really handled a gun, so she will need to learn from scratch. Both of the boys are familiar with shotguns, rifles and some pistols- between hunting and going to the shooting range. But, even with that, they will need practice.

I will start the process in the morning. For my own peace of mind and for our protection. That times are changing is undeniable... and a passel of children and a herd of cats aren't going to keep the evil from our door.... but I will do what I must.

So goes the motto... hope for the best, and prepare for the worst. Preparation is the key in this instance... and as the only adult in the household, it is up to me to be the right example of responsibility and a model of preparing for the next thing that comes along. Particularly if it is for the goal of keeping us all safe.

Quick sand

That's what it feels like right now. I want to make some changes, but I do so like things the way they are. Everyone says that change is slow, but I suppose sometimes it is much better to change quickly & be done with it rather than over-think & agonize. Then again, on the flip side, how long is change supposed to take?

We moved into this house nearly 3 years ago... and we're still unpacking. Granted, this old house isn't exactly "user" friendly for folks wanting modern amenities. No air conditioning (by choice, but still) is a major turn-off to most. However, since in the past few weeks of recuperating from my ankle surgery, we all finally seem motivated to pull the house together. I always knew it would get done eventually, just never dreamed it would take this long.

Overall, I can say I am loving life after 40. Last year was probably one of my best years yet, life gets better with age... especially for females. There is one wrinkle though. My hair is beginning to have more noticeable strands of gray. Now, this is something I always thought I would be able to deal with. That aging gracefully would be something I could handle without enhancements. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I will be able to follow through. I've never colored my hair~ or even permed it. I like my hair color, its an interesting mixture of tones & highlights and I doubt I will find it in a bottle.

Another change that the new year has wrought is dealing with my daughter's sudden shift from tomboy to wearing make-up. Now I'm not opposed to make-up. At 16 she is more than old enough to learn the proper way to put it on & take care of her face. I hate to see her get caught up in the whole cosmetic world. But, I know she's finding herself. Learning her own style, figuring out what works for her. She has wonderful naturally curly/wavy hair... which as a teen I would have killed for considering the HOURS spent rolling & curling my own hair, only to have the curls fall out 5 minutes after brushing it out. Oh, the damage I have contributed to the ozone with the amount of Aqua Net hairspray I have doused on my hair while hoping & praying it would hold. All to no avail.

So, just as the song says "... time marches on..." the adventure is not nearly over.

Off & running.... again...

Gah... its been a year (minus one day) since the last time I blogged here... I'm not sure why I keep abandoning my blog. Though I'm sure, given the opportunity I could come up with a long list of excuses...

So, the question now is this: do I continue this blog or do I scrap it once & for all and start completely fresh? When I started this blog so many years ago, it was to be used as a reflection of my thoughts... which is still in line with what I want to use it for now.

But what if I want to add some of the bells & whistles that are associated with blogs now? Though my posts will reflect where I am now, will it flow if someone chances to go back & read the older posts? And, at the end of the day does it really matter?

I suppose I will ponder that decision for a bit. I'm considering refocusing the purpose of my blog. I have an inkling of an idea to use my blog as a chronicle of the journey I hope to embark on this year.

My goals for 2011 primarily center around managing my severe procrastination habit. Hopefully, by getting that under control, it will trickle down- or out- to help organize & manage other parts of my world.

Perhaps, it will fit together- since it is all essentially the pieces of me- and most days I fit together fairly well.... as long as you don't look for the cracks...

I received the following in a daily motivational e-mail the other day.


"It's Always A Good Time To Change"

The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you're not going to stay where you are.

You're a product of your environment.
So choose an environment that will best develop you toward your goals.

Analyze your life in terms of your environment.
Are the things around you helping you toward your success or are they holding you back?

Your world today is a living expression of how you are using and have used your mind. It's something that you can change at any time.

You don't have to remain a captive of your environment.
Don't say "If I could change, I would change,"

Say "I can change, and I will change."


Many of us in recent days have been talking about resolutions and changes we want to make now that its the new year. The topic seems to spill over to pretty much every aspect of life, even my pastor spoke about resolutions and resolve tonight in Church.

I know I have been taking stock of my own personal challenges and trying to find ways to work them out. I know I get tired of feeling like I'm spinning my wheels, but doing something feels better than just sitting there immobile.

Like I've mentioned on other posts, I know I'm tired of just existing. I wan to re-discover myself this year. There's been so much going on in recent years, and I've gotten so tired. You know that beaten down feeling that just never seems to go away no matter what good you accomplish.

I try to be the kind of person others can depend on. I truly believe that we reap what we sow. I remember when I was young, my grandfather taught me that we should live by two main rules in life- 1. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all and 2. the Golden Rule. I hope one day my own children will truly realize the value in both of those.

Now, back to the motivational quote above. I know that I have the power to make the changes I need in myself. I know I need to stop being my own biggest challenge. Out of all of the goals I have set for this year, that is the only thing that will make anything else possible.

In looking back over dark periods in my life, I focus on what changes I made to bring myself through them. In each and every instance the turning point came when I decided that I had to face a tough decision and act- not just wish it away.

In the past couple of years, I think in some ways I stopped believing in myself and the power I have been given. I have to re-gain that sense of peace, so that the excuses I make for not working towards my goals don't come quite as easy.

Day by day, step by step.

Forgetfulness

So....

I've had all these "cool" blog topics floating around in my head for the past week that I've been offline.... (I was in the 10th circle of hell aka moving)...

and now that AT&T (oh yeah- that's one of my future blog topics) FINALLY installed my dsl and phone lines here at the new address.... even though they forwarded the phone 5 days before that.... *rolls eyes*...

all of those "cool" topics to blog/ talk about have completely left my mind...

is this a sign of old age? (my next birthday is rapidly appraching in the coming weeks) or simply a sign of someone who has to much on their mind and things simply slip through the cracks...

perhaps it's time to start a blog topic journal... or a blog topic "to do" list... a place to jot down those random thoughts that enter my mind when I don't have time to actually blog at the moment....

though- on the plus side, in spite of moving (and now there's a niggling suspicion in the back of my mind that what motivated me to move was a potential topic... hmmm).... I passed all of my finals for this semester.... my session I presented at the state conference this past Friday seemed to have went well.... all of the feedback I've received so far indicates that it did at least... and in spite of being cash-poor at the moment (primarliy due to the move)... I'm getting into the spirit of the coming holidays...

so I suppose, overall, life is good... *winK*

Opportunity Knocks.... or is it really Mocks?

How often in life do we answer the door when opportunity knocks? Do we let fear of the unknown or untried color our decisions? Surely, each day is an opportunity for a new addventure of sorts, but how often do we dare to test the waters and take a leap of faith (in ourselves) ?

If we are truly going to live each day to its full potential, surely we need to embrace any new challenges that arise. Living in fear of "what could happen" is usually much more terrifying than the actual outcome.

Would you trade the unknown for the tried and true? Have you ever based a decision- life changing or just a veering from the routine- on a gut feeling? The inate feeling that things will work out well... in spite of any self-sabotage.

When opportunity knocks.... if you do not open the door..... then you leave opportunity to mock you, though you've no one but yourself to blame.

As the link says... open the duir....
http://www.duirwaighgallery.com/inspiration_trailer.htm